The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am trying to recheck my answers!"
A little koala wanders into a whorehouse.
He climbs the stairs, finds door open goes in to the room to find a naked
prostitute asleep on the bed.
He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute. She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she'll let him finish.
The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey, you have to pay for that". The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that. I'm prostitute". She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.
PROSTITUTE (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.
KOALA (n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.
A six-year-old girl asks her mother, "Mommy, how old are you?"
The mother replies, "Honey, that's a very personal question. You are not supposed to ask a woman her age."
Then she asks, " How much do you weigh?"
The mother says, "Honey, that is also a personal question. People don't want to be asked about their weight."
The girl goes on, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
The mother says, "That's a very sensitive subject. When you are older, I'll tell you."
The next day, the girl goes to the kindergarten and tells her friend about the conversation she had with her mother.
Her friend says, "That's easy!! Look at her driver's license. You can find all the information in there."
So the girl finds her mother's driver's license in her purse, looks at it for a while, smiles big, and runs to her mother.
"Mommy, mommy, I know how old you are !
You are 32 !
I know how much you weith, too ! You weigh 130 pounds !
And I also know why you got a divorce ! You got an "F" in sex ! "
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes... Bear, you go first."
The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female." For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash Helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for
awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides
me, were female." The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish
that the bear was gay..."