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Pisces (Feb
23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer
type and think most people are dick heads. You are quick to reprimand,
impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone
you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar
23 - April 22)
You have a wild
imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or
CIA. You have major influence on your friends and people resent you for
flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April
23 - May 22)
You are practical
and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most
people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a god-damned
communist.
Gemini (May
23 - June 22)
You are a quick
and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You
are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means your are a cheap
bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June
23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic
and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker.
You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare
and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July
23 - Aug 22)
You consider
yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies.
You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are thieving mother fuckers and enjoy masturbation more than
sex.
Virgo (Aug
23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical
type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your
friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep
while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept
23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic
type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male
you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil.
Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio
(Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst
of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You
are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius
(Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic
and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since
you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a
worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn
(Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative
and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never
been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.