Q:  Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am?
A:  She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.

Q : What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A:  A screwdriver turns in screws, Clinton screws interns!

1.  Women in Washington DC were asked if they would have sex with the President.     86% said -"Not again."

2.  As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request over the loudspeaker: "Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess to the upright position and prepare to land?"

3.  A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?"
    Clinton responded by saying: "No, she was on her knees."

4.  The Spelling Bee... Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill Clinton were in a spelling contest. Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who knew that "harass" was one word.

Q.  How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.  None, they are too busy screwing the President.

5.  Clinton's team of advisors have offered the following defense  "Clinton NEVER told Lewinsky to lie in disposition! He told her to lie in THIS position."

Q:  What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A:  They were both upset when Bill finished first.

Q:  What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A:  When Hillary is out of town.

Q:  What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A:  Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.

Q:  Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A:  He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
 

 SIMILARITIES BETWEEN NIXON & CLINTON

Nixon: Watergate.
Clinton: Waterbed.

Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War.
Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore.

Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs.
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns.

Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.

Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape.
Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case.

Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick.
Clinton: Same.

Nixon: Ex-President.
Clinton: Sex-President.

Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One".
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"

Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak.
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak.

Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy.
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot.
 

 
Saddam Hussein y Bill Clinton se encuentran en Bagdad para una primera ronda de conversaciones en un nuevo proceso de paz. Cuando Bill se sienta, se da cuenta de que hay tres botones en un brazo de la silla de Saddam. Comienzan las conversaciones. Después de cinco minutos Saddam presiona el primer botón. Un guante de box salta de una caja y golpea a Clinton en la cara. Confundido, Clinton sigue hablando mientras Saddam se ríe. Unos minutos después Saddam presiona el segundo boton. Esta vez una gran bota sale y patea a Clinton en la espalda. Otra vez Saddam se ríe y Clinton sigue hablando para no alterar los altos fines de paz que debe haber entre ambos paises. Pero cuando Saddam presiona el tercer botón y sale una bota que patea Clinton en sus partes "privadas" (pregúntenle a Mónica), se harta, y le dice al iraquí: "Me voy a mi país!" "Terminaremos las conversaciones en dos semanas!". Llega el día y arriba Saddam a los Estados Unidos para las conversaciones. Cuando este se sienta, observa tres botones en la silla de Clinton y se prepara para la venganza yanqui. Empiezan las conversaciones y Bill presiona el primer botón. Saddam se agacha, pero nada pasa. Clinton se sonríe. Unos segundos después presiona el segundo botón. Saddam salta, y no pasa nada de nuevo. Clinton se ríe estruendosamente. Cuando el tercer botón es presionado, Saddam salta de nuevo, y de otra vez nada pasa. Clinton se cae de la silla llorando de la risa. "Olvidalo," dice Saddam totalmente ofendido, "Me regreso a Bagdad!" Clinton le responde aun con lagrimas de la risa, "Cual Bagdad??"