I've got no idea
who wrote this but it's certainly worth the read. 1) But everybody
looks funny naked! 2) You woke me
up for that? 3) Did I mention
the video camera? 4) Do you smell
something burning? 5) (in a janitor's
closet) And they say romance is dead... 6) Try breathing
through your nose. 7) A little rug
burn ever hurt anyone! 8) Is that a
Medic-Alert Pendant? 9) Sweetheart,
did you lock the back door? 10) But whipped
cream makes me break out. 11) Person 1:
This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah. today 12) (in the No
Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour! 13) Can you please
pass me the remote control? 14) Do you accept
Visa? 15) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 16) On second
thought, let's turn off the lights. 17) And to think
I was really trying to pick up your friend! 18) So much for
mouth-to-mouth. 19) (using body
paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay? 20) Hope you're
as good looking when I'm sober... 21) (holding
a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! 22) Do you get
any premium movie channels? 23) Try not to
smear my make-up, will ya! 24) (preparing
to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam- cleaned this couch! 25) Got any penicillin? 26) But I just
brushed my teeth... 27) Smile, you're
on Candid Camera! 28) I thought
you had the keys to the handcuffs! 29) I want a
baby! 30) So much for
the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! 31) (in a menage
a trois) Why am I doing all the work? 32) Maybe we
should call Dr Ruth... 33) Did you know
the ceiling needs painting? 34) I think you
have it on backwards. 35) When is this
supposed to feel good? 36) Put that
blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! 37) You're good
enough to do this for a living! 38) Is that blood
on the headboard? 39) Did I remember
to take my pill? 40) Are you sure
I don't know you from somewhere? 41) I wish we'd
got the Playboy channel... 42) That leak
better be from the waterbed! 43) I told you
it wouldn't work without batteries! 44) But my cat
always sleeps on that pillow. 45) Did I tell
you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? 46) If you quit
smoking you might have more endurance... 47) No, really...
I do this part better myself! 48) It's nice
being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! 49) This would
be more fun with a few more people... 50) You're almost
as good as my ex! 51) Do you know
the definition of statutory rape? 52) Is that you
I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? 53) You look
younger than you feel. 54) Perhaps you're
just out of practice. 55) You sweat
more than a galloping stallion! 56) They're not
cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. 57) Now I know
why he/she dumped you... 58) Does your
husband own a sawed-off shotgun? 59) You give
me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. 60) What tampon? 61) Have you
ever considered liposuction? 62) And to think,
I didn't even have to buy you dinner! 63) What are
you planning to make for breakfast? 64) I have a
confession... 65) I was so
horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! 66) Are those
real or am I just behind the times? 67) Were you
by any chance repressed as a child? 68) Is that a
hanging sculpture? 69) You'll still
vote for me, won't you? 70) Did I mention
my transsexual operation? 71) I really
hate women who actually think sex means something! 72) Did you come
yet, dear? 73) I'll tell
you who I'm fantasising about if you tell me who you're fantasising about... 74) A good plastic
surgeon can take care of that in no time! 75) Does this
count as a date? 76) Oprah Winfrey
had a show about men like you! 77) Hic! I need
another beer for this please. 78) I think biting
is romantic. Don't you? 79) Q: You can
cook, too right? A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?) 80) When would
you like to meet my parents? 81) Man: Maybe
it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself? 82) Have you
seen "Fatal Attraction"? 83) Sorry about
the name tags, I'm not very good with names. 84) Don't mind
me. I always file my nails in bed. 85) (in a phone
booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls? 86) I hope I
didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? 87) Don't worry,
my dog's really friendly for a Doberman. 88) Sorry but
I don't do toes! 89) You could
at least ACT like you're enjoying it! 90) Petroleum
jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! 91) Keep it down,
my mother is a light sleeper... 92) I'll bet
you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer". 93) So that's
why they call you MR Flash! 94) My old girlfriend
used to do it a LOT longer! 95) Is this a
sin too? 96) I've slept
with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! 97) Hey, when
is it going to be my friend's turn? 98) Long kisses
clog my sinuses... 99) Please understand
that I'm only doing this for a raise... 100) How long
do you plan to be "almost there"? 101) You mean
you're NOT my blind date?