101 Ways To Know You're Getting Old

 
 

1) Your friends start wearing anoraks.
2) You avoid the chocolates with nuts in.
3) You've never heard of anyone in the top ten.
4) You wear fluffy shoes with zips.
5) You wear fluffy shoes with zips.
6) You repeat things.
7) You start saying `When I was your age...'
8) You wrap up warm.... to go swimming.
9) You moan at the speed that technology is taking off.
10) You think Michael Jackson's friends look young.
11) You know what shillings are.
12) You get tired when working after 6 O'clock.
13) You don't like loud music.
14) You forget your own birthday.
15) You collect old milk bottle tops.
16) Your eyesight goes.
17) You sleep in the afternoon.
18) You do 'Clanger' impressions, and no-one understands.
19) Your hearing goes..... I SAID YOUR HEARING GOES!
20) You shout at kids in the street for playing football.
21) You start calling people 'Dear'.
22) Yuuor tyipnhg geets errratfic.
23) You need longer arms to read a newspaper.
24) You start listening to Classic FM
25) You get desperate enough to try chatting up the girls who smoke.
26) .backwards things doing start You
78) You forget how to count.
28) You like brussel sprouts and cabbage. Fried.
29) You buy people socks for Christmas.
30) You wear thick coats in the middle of summer.
31) You forget to put milk, sugar and tea in your tea.
32) You start fancying younger girls.
33) You think young girls are defined as below 65.
34) You dye your hair purple and think it looks good.
35) You eat humbugs.
36) You stop half way through a sen
37) You remember space invaders. And liked it.
38) You had a ZX Spectrum.
39) You listen to the wireless/gramophone.
40) You think vinyl sounds better than CDs.
41) You put CDs on your gramophone and wonder why they don't work.
42) You've been a Hitchhiker's Guide fan since it first aired in 1978.
43) You wake to the Big Breakfast and enjoy watching Brian Cant and Jonathan Coen singing the theme to Playaway.
44) You forget how to program the video.
45) You met Henry VIII
46) Your boss is younger than you.
47) You say to your younger relations `Haven't you grown!' and really annoy them.
48) You forget how old you are.
49) You forget you've booked a day off work.
50) Using an editor becomes a nightmare ^[[wqZZ^[:wq! Q!
51) You wet the bed.
52) You don't notice when you've done 51.
53) You start to watch Songs of Praise.
54) You tell your war stories at any given opportunity.
55) You think that Terry Wogan is funny.
56) You prefer a command line interface to a windows one.
57) You think a screen saver is a piece of foam wedged under your monitor.
58) You hate nightclubs.
59) You look forward to going to work.
60) You look forward to retiring.
61) You like fruit cake.
62) You get called a fruit cake by teenagers.
63) You don't ask for anything for your birthday.
64) You get offended by the word 'fuck'.
65) You wear bow ties.
66) You like to sit on committees.
67) You have to ask children to open child proof lids.
68) Kids can out-run you.
69) You have trouble sending Email. :-)
70) you froget how to punctuate
71) You froget how to spell.
72) You drive Hondas. (Sorry Phill.)
73) You slag off young irresponsible drivers (my brother).
74) You don't like fizzy drinks.
75) You become religious.
76) You wear knitted woolly hats.
77) You become fascinated by old photographs.
78) You clean your teeth. In a glass over night.
79) You go back to wearing analogue watches.
80) You fry baked beans.
81) You complain about the amount of sex on TV.
82) You work rather than send mail.
83) You get paranoid that things aren't working.
84) You wear slacks and sandals.
85) You iron crimpolene
86) You remember Pipkins!
87) Can remember writing something down, but you can't remember where.
88) You get paranoid that people are removing the things you write down.
89) You don't remember sending the 101 list to 2 people 3 times.
90) Your favourite drink is a nice cup of tea.
91) You don't have enough puff to blow out the candles on your birthday.
92) You can remember the days, when computers didn't answer back.
93) You still find the starfield simulation screensaver interesting.
94) You can remember when buses ran on time.
95) You repeat the same thing several times.
95) You repeat the same thing several times.
95) You repeat the same thing several times.
96) You forget that you already mentioned that 90 lines ago.
97) You repeat the same thing several times.
98) You don't listen to things people have just told you.
99) You go to the barbers to get a short back and sides and something for the weekend.
100) You think you are 100, when you're only 78.
101) You're buried in a box, 6 foot underground.
102) Once you've started, it's difficult to stop........