1) Send dodgy
messages about sheep from someone else's PC. 2) Call up the
talking clock in Australia from all the phones. 3) Punch the
MD. 4) Punch your
boss. 5) Run round
the car park naked. 6) Fly past personnel
on a broomstick. 7) Shag someone
in the toilets without a condom. 8) Paint beards
on the people without, so everyone looks the same. 9) Set fire to
the building. 10) Put photos
of leading politicians in someone's desk. 11) Don't change
your pants for a week. 12) Attempt to
change someone else's pants in the office. 13) Don't wear
any pants at all. Or trousers. 14) Grab the
tannoy, and claim someone is nude in the building. 15) Grab the
tannoy and makes sex noises. 16) Park your
car in reception. 17) Turn everyone's
computer screens upside down. 18) Put Tipex
on everyone's fans and turn them on. 19) Put ants
in the coffee machine. 20) Say "I'd
like to be made redundant please". 21) Get one of
the MD's daughters pregnant. 22) Jump out
of an upstairs window. 23) Make dirty
phone calls to a fax machine. 24) Fax signed
bottom photocopies to senior management. 25) Use an X-rated
screen saver. 26) Get a proper
job. 27) Waste too
much time sending mail. 28) Cover the
floor in glue. 29) Lock your
boss in his office. 30) Call the
fire brigade. 31) Don't turn
up. At all. Ever. 32) Get drunk,
smash up all the ceiling tiles, and let off the fire hoses. 33) Sit in the
toilets for 3 days. 34) Switch all
the computers over to 110V. 35) Burn the
backup tapes. 36) Burn the
accountants. 37) Leave a copy
of 'Jobsearch' on your desk. 38) Read a copy
of 'Jobsearch' and apply to lots of them! 39) Become a
famous movie star. 40) Become a
porno star (see items 5,7,10,12,13,15,21,23,24,25). 41) Practise
your application skills by applying to a job with the Oracle. 42) Sacrifice
a virgin in the middle of manufacturing, round a fire. 43) Wrap your
head in toilet roll and change your name to 'Throat Warbler Mangrove'. 44) Fill the
chocolate machine up with tomatoes. 45) Stick a pencil
up your nose and an old pair of Y-fronts on your head. 46) Shout out
the real meanings of 811, 815 and 818 in a squeaky voice. 47) Hand in your
resignation. 48) Fill up your
trousers with flour and then walk round the building. 49) Get stoned
and come to work. 50) Paint silly
faces on the MD's trousers. 51) Make model
aeroplanes by sawing up the desks. 52) Pulp Fiction.
(Play this in the office with real guns) 53) Dig a swimming
pool in the car park. 54) Plug the
phone system into a mains socket. 55) Plug someone's
chair into a mains socket. 56) Glue the
doors closed on the coffee machines. 57) Stick bogies
to directors' door handles. 58) Do a Wowbagger
(the infinitely prolonged). 59) Ask everyone
in the building what a Wowbagger is? 60) Perform a
quirkafleeg in reception in front of visitors. 61) Stand in
the sink and piss on the floor. 62) Stand on
the floor and piss in the sink. 63) Stand in
the piss and sink in the floor. 64) Sink via
Finland, on the company phone bill. 65) Become invisible. 66) Be sick in
the fire buckets and then shout "Fire!" 67) Go to the
canteen and then 66. 68) Replace every
server file with one containing the word "Fuck". 69) Bring a snake
to work. 70) Remove everyone's
mouse balls. 71) Remove everyone's
balls. 72) Make a whole
zoo of T-piece monsters instead of working. 72) Dress in
women's clothing. 73) Hang about
in bars, instead of work. 74) Become a
sperm donor. 75) Walk around
with a box on your head, with no eye-holes. 76) Wear trousers
made of cling film. 77) Walk round
on stilts, headbutting the ceiling. 78) Hold a chicken
in the air. 79) Stick a deckchair
up the MD's nose. 80) Look at a
fish screen saver for 7 1/2 hours a day. 81) Remove all
the lightbulbs, and replace them with string. 82) Remove all
the lightbulbs, and replace them with your fingers. 83) Remove everyone's
fingers and replace them with lightbulbs. 83) Blow up condoms
and stick them to everything. 84) Blow up everything
and stick condoms in their places. 85) Create a
10Meg file and mail it to everyone. 86) Try out all
the things on the poopies list in someone's drawer. 87) Sit on the
photo copier. Naked. 88) Saw off one
leg from everyone's desk and make a stockade with them. 89) Paint all
the screens black to make people think they're not working. 90) Have a mousemat-frisbee
fight. 91) Have a party
at your desk. 92) Fill up everyone's
drawers with water from the fire hose. 92) Write your
CV. 93) Get caught
doing 92. 94) Get caught
doing 69. 95) Get caught
picking, licking and flicking at your boss. 96) Steal the
MD's car. 97) Swap everyone's
keyboard keys round. 98) Hit everyone
on the head with a banana. 99) Selotape
everyone together. 100) Load up
some really loud embarrassing sound files. 101) Sign this
list and put it on the MD's desk.