101 Uses for a Rubber Johny (Condom)

 
 

1) Odd shaped balloons.
2) Embarrassing people by planting several in their bag, so that when they open it in a crowded computer room, they fall out all over the floor.
3) Swimming hat/shower cap.
4) For washing up when you can't find your rubber gloves.
5) Lens caps.
6) Long lasting bubblegum.
7) Toy manufacture.
8) Radiator leak plugging.
9) Novelty ties.
10) Expandable X-mas stocking to hang on the fire place.
11) Oversocks for leaky shoes.
12) Candle moulds.
13) Spare biro tops.
14) To keep bananas dry in the rain.
15) Emergency bungee cord.
16) Lubricated shopping bags. (For easy extraction of sticky shopping.)
17) James Herriott accessories for cows bottoms.
18) Body bag for a very small person.
19) Avoiding fingerprinting the house you're burgling.
20) Doggy bags.
21) Novelty musical instruments.
22) Wine coolers.
23) Water filled offensive weapons.
24) Fill with your last pint of beer from the pub and take it home.
25) Emergency toilet, after drinking the above on the way home.
26) Sick bags (after drinking the above on the way home, cos you'd drunk too many of the above, above, to know the difference)
27) Shopping bags, when the handles of the old one have just broken.
28) Earrings.
29) Ear mufflers.
30) Ice lolly moulds.
31) Catapult elastic.
32) Knicker elastic.
33) Water termite impressions.
34) Hair bands.
35) Guitar strings.
36) Cheesy dips.
37) Dippy cheese cases.
38) Barrage balloons.
39) Colour filters for disco lights.
40) Turner prize winning modern art (Dead sperm in condoms)
41) Line them up in rows to help people count.
42) Trampolines for mice.
42) Re-usable tampons.
43) Computer keyboard protectors.
44) Waterproofing for personal stereos.
45) Christmas tree decorations.
46) Waterproof finger bandages.
47) An excuse when caught reading http://www.durex.com
48) Tear catchers hung from each cheek.
49) Nappy substitutes (especially for Tory MPs)
50) Car covers. (Matchbox cars of course.)
51) Snow protectors for Summer shoes.
52) Snow ball carriers.
53) Novelty jelly moulds.
54) Masks for bank robbers.
55) Rude snowman accessories.
56) Self contained underwater breathing apparatus.
57) Fart storage devices.
58) Freezer bags.
59) Gnats swatters.
60) Waterproof gloves for playing snowballs.
61) Waterproof socks for playing in the snow.
62) Waterproof willy gloves for making holes in the snow.
63) Finger puppets.
64) Money bags.
65) Milk carton resealers.
66) Spare sausage skins.
67) Goldfish bags.
68) Icing bags for cake decorating.
69) Elastic bands.
70) Car exhaust bangers.
71) Colostomy bags.
72) Helium balloons for Action Men.
73) Spirit measures.
74) Key rings (you put the keys inside).
75) Hats!
76) Snot catchers!
77) Inflatable boats.
78) Life jackets.
79) Antler protection.
80) Hiccup cures [Bang!]
81) 101 uses list incentive.
82) Cassette cases.
83) Nooses.
84) Flour bombs.
85) Stockings.
86) Leaving presents to the people you didn't like.
87) Leaving presents to the people you want to shag.
88) Shoe laces.
89) Alternative rubber bands.
90) Microwave exploding eggshell catchers.
91) Parachutes for mice.
92) Floppy disk dust covers.
93) Left over turkey storage packs.
94) Bowling ball covers.
95) A mouse house. (Stuck to the side of your monitor.)
96) Quasar gun sabotagers.
97) Collection bag for when someone leaves. (Please give generously)
98) A flask to hold weak lemon drink.
99) Bra for strange shaped women.
100) Udder caps for leaky cows.
101) Bull horn covers.